Cragmaw Castle: A Rollicking D&D Saga
Setting: The crumbling halls of Cragmaw Castle, a labyrinthine ruin choked with rubble, reeking of goblin filth, and echoing with the clatter of steel and bone. This derelict fortress, once grand, now serves as a battleground for a ragtag band of adventurers.
Party:
- Knox, a battle-hardened fighter whose greatsword swings with lethal precision, marred only by an uncanny knack for self-inflicted wounds.
- Fondleberg, a bard with a silver tongue and a bizarre obsession with collecting enemy digits, weaving mockery and music in equal measure.
- Zdonack, a hulking barbarian whose rage-fueled greataxe cleaves foes as easily as it accidentally severs his own fingers.
- E, a druid grappling with the mysteries of Wild Shape, unleashing primal fury and arcane sparks with equal parts confusion and gusto.
Epic Chronicles:
- Whispers in the Shadows: Fresh from a prior slaughter, the party pauses in the castle’s debris-strewn corridors. E’s keen ears (Perception 14) catch the nasally bickering of goblins behind a weathered door, their complaints a prelude to bloodshed. The adventurers steel themselves, weapons gleaming under torchlight, ready to storm the foe.
- Goblin Melee and Misadventure: Combat erupts with chaotic fervor. Nox, cursed by fate, rolls a 1 on initiative, stumbling over rubble and slicing off their own toe in a spectacular fumble (1d8 damage per turn). Undeterred, Knox recovers to decapitate a goblin with a mighty greatsword swing (18 to hit, 13 damage), their menacing glare cowing the survivors. Fondleberg unleashes Vicious Mockery, taunting a goblin into despair (3 damage) before vanishing into the shadows (Stealth 20). Zdonack, roaring with primal fury, joins the fray but fumbles catastrophically, lopping off his own finger in a greataxe mishap. E, meanwhile, sprays toxic mist, melting a goblin’s face into a grotesque puddle, its screams mingling with the stench of acid and blood.
- Banquet Hall Bloodbath: The party crashes into the castle’s banquet hall, a cavernous chamber with a 20-foot ceiling, littered with moldy bread, gnawed bones, and two crude tables. Six goblin warriors await, their beady eyes glinting with malice. Knox becomes a whirlwind of death, severing limbs and heads with brutal precision (27 to hit, 10 damage). E, tentatively embracing Wild Shape, transforms into a snarling wolf (1d6+2 piercing damage) but struggles with the mechanics, later shocking a goblin into oblivion with Shocking Grasp (8 damage), its face sizzling like overcooked bacon. Fondleberg, battered but defiant, heals with a sultry Healing Word (10 HP), serenading themselves with “I touch myself,” but misses a short bow shot. Zdonack’s greataxe carves through goblins, though his rolls betray him. In a twist of irony, one goblin’s misfired arrow fells its own ally, adding to the chaos.
- Looting and Respite: Victorious, the party scours the hall. Zidanek’s sharp eyes (Investigation 15) uncover a golden locket beneath a glowing brazier, its scratched portrait of a young girl hinting at forgotten tales (worth 50 gold). Fondleberg claims a pouch of creature teeth and 50 silver pieces, gleefully planning a macabre necklace. Exhausted, the group takes a long rest, their wounds knitting under the castle’s oppressive silence.
- A Tense Cliffhanger: Reinvigorated, the party presses deeper. Zdonack opens a door revealing a staircase to the outside, while E boldly strides into another chamber, greeted by two groggy figures—possibly allies or foes—who jest about hunger and call E a “snack.” The session ends with tension crackling, initiative rolls looming for the next clash.
Memorable Moments:
- Fondleberg’s morbid fixation on goblin toes and body parts, plotting a grotesque trophy collection that unsettles even their comrades.
- Knox’s tragicomic toe amputation, paired with E’s gruesome toxic spray that leaves a goblin as a steaming sludge pile.
- The party’s riotous banter, from “Arnold goblins” lifting and dropping to “get to the chopper” quips, infusing the session with absurdity.
- E’s fumbling mastery of Wild Shape, toggling between wolfish snarls and arcane confusion, epitomized by a fused owl token glitch.